by Michelle

I met a guy at a friend’s party on all hallows eve
After 2 in the morning he asked if I wanted to leave
Though a friend of a friend, I put up my guard
Still I gave him my number; saying “no” is too hard.
Through clever texts he twice asked me on a lunch date
Yet we never met up; the impression he was making wasn’t great
On the weekends he’d come meet me at the bar
As I was fairly drunk we went a bit too far
A Texas lady, I appreciate a gentleman; texts are fine, a phone call’s better

But he had every way to contact me and never a single IM or letter
You went back on your promises and treated me bad
But that’s okay, I can hardly get mad
Here’s a lesson to guys who think they’re too busy to date
Don’t waste my time, I know us being together isn’t fate. 
I’m bold and beautiful and lookin’ to have fun
But remember your manners next time you change your mind, hun

When on a first date
Don’t refer to yourself as
A social retard.

Editor’s note: One of Sylvia’s chosen ways of expressing affection is through baked goods.

By Sylvia G.
When I was a tutor of writing in school,
I vowed that no student would play me a fool.
They asked me on dates,
paid my full rate,
but when propositioned, I wisely refused.

And then one fine day
during a session in May,
I met a young Greek named Demetri.
His grammar was whack,
His speech lacking tact,
But he told me he loved reading Nietszche.

“Will to power,” I spoke,
“Don’t you love what he wrote,
about God being Dead?”
Then he kissed me.

So I dated the Greek
for a solid two weeks—
oh the cookies I baked him,
the strudels!

We second-base stroked,
needed no pot for the toke.
And the make-outs were hot—
I’m not joking.

But one Friday night
I did realize my plight
when he decided to tell me his secret:
“I’m not a man,” he did say,
“But a penis on legs,
and you clearly long for a boyfriend.”

How dare he espouse
that I wanted a spouse,
when all I enjoyed was the spooning?

So his bed I did flee,
made it back home by 3,
vented and wept
and forgot him,

Til a note came on AIM,
from Demetri, the lame,
asking when I could edit his paper.

by Thomas

Barely, I escaped
Verily she was scary
Beware the blind date

By Meghan O.
editorial: A man I dated senior year of college used to send me rocks from different places he had visited randomly and without warning. Once I got one the size of my fist. My mailman was not happy. Neither was I.

Although a writer
Instead mailed rocks to me
What about love notes?

On a late summer night in the city
I got dolled up and was looking real pretty
To the Gin Mill I went
For an old flame’s birthday event
Where together we proceeded to get shitty

We told jokes about our high school romance
(He was my first kiss at our sophomore year dance)
Next thing we’re making out at the bar
I told him my place was not far
Then like a second later he’s frenching some other chick in tight pants!

Now I’ve known him awhile, so it did hardly appall me
His thinking of others has always been a bit faulty
Still there can be little doubt
The guy is great at making out
It ain’t love – but next time you’re in NYC, call me!

Bad Date Lemonade is a site full of poems by me and you about bad dates.  It’s about turning the lemons of dating into something sweeter.

In dating, a lot of stupid, dumb, annoying, unfortunate, lame, obnoxious, frustrating things happen.  Guys who are basically decent act like jerks.  Sometimes we act like jerks.  There are passles of miscommunication on both sides.  This site is about reclaiming those bad experiences and turning them into something funny.

This page runs on your submissions.  I only have a finite amount of experience to draw on (because all of my dates are fantastic, natch).  No but really.  I’d love to hear from anyone who wants to share.  Submission instructions are above, but the quick and dirty version is email me at

And, to get you in the mood, here’s a limerick to get you started.

There once was a cool lady named you
Who went on a bad date or two
She didn’t sit down and cry
She wrote a poem bout the guy
Sad? Puhlease, she’s got better things to do